Star Struck

After leaving my abusive relationship I found myself in a world of confusion, insomnia, hurt and disappointment.  I wanted to know why.  Why had I been treated the way I had?  Why hadn’t I seen it coming? What had I done to cause it?  Did I have a particular personality trait?  Had I chosen an abuser on some subconscious, subliminal level?  In my search for answers, I read and read and read.  I devoured books on controlling people (that is people who are controlling, not how to control people), on domestic abuse, on manipulative people and on being manipulated.  I read about personality disorders, sexism, feminism, the freedom programme and I read Katie Piper’s inspiring story, Beautiful, and I counted my blessings.  The more I read, the more obvious it became.  Violence against women in the form of domestic abuse is the biggest problem in our society.  I truly believe that.  And the reason it is so prevalent is obvious too.  We live in a society that treats women as objects.  Objects are things, they are inanimate, and they do not have feelings.  They do not have free will. If an object does not do what you expect or want it to, you either take it to bits and sort out the problem or throw it away. Simple. 

Maybe you don’t believe that women are treated this way.  I must admit, I hadn’t really noticed it before, but once my eyes were opened I realised that it is everywhere, and that I have a very big fight on my hands if I want to protect my daughters from the messages that they are bombarded with about their role in society, their bodies, their potential and their self-worth.  

If you walk into any newsagents, or supermarket, you are bombarded with images of scantily clad women in seductive poses.  This is damaging because it gives the message that women are not people, they are just bodies, or sex objects.  The largest image of a woman in the biggest selling ‘family’ newspaper is the image of a woman with her breasts on show, it is there purely for male sexual gratification.  Semi naked women are frequently shown posing with fully clothed men.  This is damaging because it portrays men as powerful, and women as vulnerable. I saw the video for Robin Thicke’s song Blurred Lines, semi naked women, pulling infantile faces (pouting, wide eyed) fully clothed men, all to a backdrop of revolting misogynistic lyrics. This all equals damaging, it’s the same message; women are playthings, men are powerful.  It’s not hard to see why this constant, inescapable conditioning leads to a very damaging belief system.

The reason I wrote this, is because today I began to pack up my belongings ready to move house.  I had plenty of boxes but no newspaper to wrap anything in.  I popped to the shop and bought five copies of the cheapest paper.  I shouldn’t have done it, because I then spent the whole time pissed off and furious.  I found myself wrapping up my belongings in sheets of paper with pictures of semi naked women, a problem page with a photo story featuring a woman in a see through top, and a story about Pippa Middleton’s knickers. FFS!  Yes, finally, those rumours that Pippa Middleton attended the royal wedding with no pants on have been silenced! At last! I mean who gives a fuck? This is news?  Of course, this story had to have picture of a woman in just her underwear and one of Pippa Middleton’s arse too, just to illustrate. Interestingly, next to the ‘story’ about Pippa’s pants, (which takes up over half a page) there are a few lines about Oscar Pistorius and whether he will face a first degree murder charge for shooting dead his girlfriend. Ironic?

So today I was reminded of all the things that I think are wrong with the media; the objectification of women and girls, turning them into things rather than people, focusing on body parts as if they don’t form part of a whole person.  Today I was reminded of the issues that I believe are causing and perpetuating the abuse of women in our society.  Because there are some men who have ingrained beliefs that women are objects, there for them to enjoy, control and ‘have’ and these men are the ones, who when ‘their’ woman, or any woman shows a sign of being a human being, and not a possession, believe that they have the right to do whatever necessary to bring her under his control, whether that be emotional, verbal, physical or sexual abuse.  He believes it is his right.  Today I was very disappointed at the amount of female flesh that I saw in my five copies of the Daily Star.  I suppose I should have known better really.